this woman

i spent the last 11 days enveloped in the love of my mom. this woman has been through and seen it all. and despite a life riddled with challenges, she has the most remarkable spirit. a spirit so vibrant, that it radiates from her, like light or heat filling a room. in chinese tradition, this is called chi - or life force. the energy a person exudes - it is remarkable and real.

what do i mean...

if you've ever been to a wake and stood next to a corpse, you will understand what i mean - the absence of this chi or life force is palpable. there is a coldness, a sterility, an emptiness - because the chi is gone - the body is there, but the life force is no longer.

it has only been a few days since she left and already i miss her life force in this house. the chi is gone.

i am so grateful for this woman. she teaches me to take life a little less seriously, and find the joy in every moment.

i miss the laughter, the sarcasm, the knowing glances and unspoken thoughts that sent us both into uncontrolable fits of laughter.

you know the laughter i'm talking about?

it's the kind of laughter that requires you to hold on to your stomach so tightly as to prevent your side from (literally) splitting in two. the kind of laughter that is so overpowering, you are physically forced to double over beneath its weight. the kind where your whole body stiffens and there is no sound - just dramatic contorting of your face, and occassional gasps of air as sheer joy fills every cavity of your body.