love thy neighbor

watching this broadcast again some several weeks later, i still feel the hairs stand up on the back of my neck as Keith Olbermann so eloquently and passionately cuts to the heart of it. thank God for people who aren't afraid to stand up and be counted.

sisters

when i was a little girl i always wished i had a sister. younger or older; didn't really matter. just someone i could relate to, emulate, stay up all hours of the night talking to, get in trouble with, bounce ideas off of; be there for.


i have fabulous brothers, don't get me wrong. i mean beyond amazing wonderfully supportive, sensitive, loving, protective, cheerleader and father-figure brothers. but there is just something about sisters.

i'll never fully know from experience, but have seen countless times in the sister relationships of other people, how truly special and connective that bond is. the bond my mother and aunt sisi have; the bond my grandmother and aunt frances have; the knowing glances and unspoken words; the best friend you have your entire life.

it really is beautiful to witness: my 50 something year old mother (you're welcome) driving to connecticut for weekend sleepovers with my aunt sisi. the all night laughter they share and the way the energy in the room changes when they are together; the stories they tell of the trouble they got into (and out of) together. listening to my 76 year old grandmother (i knew you wouldn't mind) talking on the phone to my aunt frances at 1 in the morning. laughing and connecting on such a deep level that onlookers and overhearers only "think" they understand it completely. a level only reached after having seventy some odd years of 1am conversations about this or that.

A wonderful comfort, i imagine, to have a person who knows you better than anyone else does or ever could as your friend, confidant, soulmate - your entire life. to have someone who is literally part of you; there for you. always.

so when i watch these girls starting to relate to each other, starting to get to know each other, play with each other, banter back and forth, and create their own special world together, it makes me smile out loud. because i know what they are creating is just the beginning of a bond and support and comfort they will have their entire lives. the kind of support and intimacy and connection that as a mom, you can only hope your children will experience and enjoy in their lives.

i see the way olivia already looks up to her big sister; smiles when she walks into the room. and how sienna is already olivia's biggest cheerleader; encouraging her and getting so excited (more excited than even adam and i) when olivia takes a step or finally mouths out a word. she gets right into her face and says (screams) "you did it livi! you did it sweetie!" how they already manage to get into trouble together and i have to do everything i can from laughing when i see the roles they assume when they get caught. Olivia the silent fallguy and sienna the smooth talking interpreter: 'livi is just learning mom. she needs to learn not to touch that. (turning to liv) 'liv sweeeeetie, next time you shouldn't touch that.' (turning to me) 'livi says she's sorry and she didn't mean it."

Happy Holidays

design/photography by Christie Spencer

i want to know

where i come from. from what place centuries ago that brave woman departed; either by her own will and means or against it. while the 'story of us' told tirelessly by my grandmother in her living room and across her bed, standing at the stove and amidst breezes on her screen porch, has etched itself into my memory, fastened itself to my construction of who i am and where i come from, established within me a sense of belonging to and identification with a people whose struggles and triumphs paved the way for the life of abundance i enjoy today; there is still a missing piece. and i want to know.

oral tradition can only take you back so far. as of today, by the grace and patience and memory of my grandmother, i have managed to successfuly trace my roots to Olivia. the woman after whom my Olivia Marley was named. And it is in that matrilineal line that we know this: i was born isis maat-tet dallis, my mother was born sharonee twanna dallis, her mother - mildred louise lindsey, her mother - fannie-mae jones, her mother - marietta williams, her mother...Olivia. And based on the year and geography, Olivia was most certainly a slave at least part of her life living in Georgia or South Carolina.

So what does that make me? Here is where the 'missing piece' comes in. I remember as a child feeling confused and embarrassed when we would have 'cultural day' at school. All the kids from italian families would bring in some delicious pasta dish, the polish, the german, the spanish, the welsh, you name it, all would do the same. I hadn't the foggiest idea what to bring. I was African-American. I suppose i could have looked up some random country in Africa, claimed it as my ancestral homeland and tried to whip up a dish from there. but really? i couldn't be any more specific than that? It's like saying i'm European - well, that could mean italian, or spanish or french or swedish; all completely different ethnicities, nationalities, customs, cultures, foods, etc.

Ultimately i ended up bringing some version of soul food which originated in the southern united states. Candied Yams or Cornbread, Fried Chicken (really) or black eyed peas. So you're saying you are....southern? The idea that the end of my genealogical imagination stopped dead at the border of the united states south has always been a difficult issue for me. the notion that my heritage, my ancestry seemed to begin and end in a place, a region, and period in history (slavery) that was so mired in pain, so steeped in loss and devastation and shame was saddening.

In history class we never learned who these people were before they were enslaved. Just that they were slaves. As though they had come from nowhere at all. If someone were to ask, "who were your ancestors? "They were slaves", I'd say. that was all i knew. The teacher would beam at us as though she was about to announce that she was taking us all on a trip to Disneyland. She would say, "We are going to trace our roots back as faaar as they can go!" Cool! Wow! Wait... i already know how this story is going to end. Meanwhile, erik over here is going to come in with some eighty page novel about how his ancestors were explorers who sailed across the world and discovered most of civilization. next assignment please! : )

All the interesting stories about my family (it seemed) happened on the more recent side of history. my great grandparents generation were teachers, and skilled laborers, cooks and seamstresses, photographers and small business owners. But after you got back a few generations it just sort of ended in the same place: their parents were sharecroppers and theirs were slaves. I've since matured in my thinking to not utter those words with such disdain and remorse. It's true. They were slaves. But that is just the life and identity they were given on this soil. They were also people whose culture and identity had been stripped away from them when they were captured and brought here against their will. They had a beautiful, rich, culture and heritage before they arrived on the auction block. And that is what i want to find out.

So, i am fortunate to be married to someone who cares deeply about me understanding this missing piece of my identity (and that of our children). For my birthday this year, he surprised me (and my whole family) with this African Ancestry Test kit while sitting at my grandparents house one afternoon. He said it is a gift for all of us. It is.

Researchers have been capturing the DNA samples of thousands indigenous people in every african nation. African Ancestry has the largest African lineage database of these samples in the world. As women, we carry the same mitochondrial DNA as our mother, our mother's mother, our mother's mother's mother, etc. forever. So, by taking my DNA, they are able to analyze it against those strands in their database and determine the country (and sometimes a particular African ethnic group within a country) where my maternal ancestors originated from.

if nothing more it will help me extend my story. extend it past the dead end of slavery, across that vast atlantic ocean and to a place with its own unique history and culture. it will help me create a conection to some of the cultural traditions, stories, foods, music, art, and history so many people take for granted knowing their whole lives. i can not wait.

i took the test on the 17th of November and it takes 4-6 weeks for the results. so any day now i'll know. you can be sure it will be my first post once it arrives. any guesses? adam thinks my ancestors came from Sierra Leone. i believe that's what he guessed. i'm not positive as i stopped listening just as he began to backpedal after saying something to the effect of, 'that's definitely where you get that forehead, honey. i'm sure of it." since this gift is such a meaningful, thoughtful, potentially life-changing gift, i'll give him a pass on that one. : )

ouch

apparently i have a thing for pain. that, or i have very strange ideas about what constitutes a good way to spend christmas vacation. just 9 days before christmas i decided (yes; i did this by my own volition) to have back to back surgical procedures. on tuesday morning - 4 wisdom teeth extracted; thursday morning - umbilical hernia repair. (nevermind what that is; its nothing you want to have). everyone looked at me like i had ten heads when i told them what i was doing. "do the doctors know you're doing this so close together? what's the rush?" i admit, it isn't ideal, but i've been putting these things off for so long - i just want them overwith; and before year's end. by my fuzzy logic, starting 2009 with any of these left undone would not be a new beginning; a fresh start. so, here i go. ice packs on the cheeks, hunched over walk, and no running for six (gulp) weeks...

just a couple reasons why

i love this man.



for getting my grandfather all set up with video chat while we were in massachusetts, and taking it upon himself to invite him to chats on a regular basis whether i'm home or not. tonight i looked over and he was showing my grandparents the house and christmas decorations and talking about the celtics and cracking jokes.

and...for similar things like that time i was on top of a mountain and completely unreachable for two days and he noticed on our calendar that it was my great aunt frances' birthday, one of my oldest living relatives, and decided to pick up the phone and call her and wish her a happy birthday for me. for all of us.

just a couple of reasons why.

things that made me happy today

waking before dawn to the sweet and cool scent of pine in the living room

sienna wishing me happy birthday as soon as she woke up and telling me abruptly that we *would* be having cake, but it will not. be. until later. mommy.

watching my breath in the cold air match the cadence of my feet on my run this morning

seeing a 'dinosaur bird' hanging out in the fog down on the marsh this morning

adam smiling at the door and asking how my 'birthday run' was

sienna asking "did you run like this?" (walking backward down the hallway) after overhearing me tell adam that i ran my route backwards to change perspective today : )

seeing judy guadalupe unexpectedly at spiritual life center (i'd *almost* consider getting pregnant again JUST to take her prenatal yoga class...)

feeling the warmth and love that can only be described as womb-like in that beautiful church

being reminded at such. the right. time. that what others do has absolutely nothing to do with me, and we can and should love fully and without condition

olivia, for 15 minutes, insisting on giving me repeated open mouth kisses : )

i almost forgot

how funny this movie is. i watched christmas vacation with adam last night and howled out loud for the first time in a while. this definitely ranks up there with "quick change" for funniest and most quotable 80's movie. come on. doesn't get much better than randy quaid and chevy chase.

thankful leaves

sienna and i spent time together enjoying the beautiful morning outside. we picked a whole basket of 'thankful leaves' to decorate the table. each one was assigned to someone or something we are thankful for. if you are reading this, yours is most likely in there somewhere : )

honky tonk holiday

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